R – Ron Hill Tracksters. The legwear of legends. It is a fact that nobody wearing Ron Hill Tracksters can walk any slower than 6kph and never, ever slow down when they start going uphill. There are rumours that this is a property of the garment itself, that the wearer will magically speed up on the mountain. But woe to he who wears the enchanted leggings as if he is not worthy, he will be pushed to his limit and end up spent and useless.

W – Wizened old man... this is that gnarly, stick thin male of indeterminate age but certainly over seventy, who usually overtakes you no matter how fast you are walking or running up the hill. Usually dressed in 70’s style, occasionally with red socks and/or gaiters and always with a green haversack or knapsack. Ask him about his rucsac and he’ll look you straight in the eye and ask you what ya dithering at lad? As the saying goes – no matter how fast you are, there’s probably someone faster, and it’s usually Wizened Old Man.... And if he's in tracksters, forget it!

And because i'm so proud of the continuity between those two, i may be forgiven for adding the following which will just never fit in with anything else...

X – Xylophone. Someone once carried a piano and an organ up Ben Nevis. I challenge them to carry a xylophone up Snowdon... Whilst being played by Patrick Moore... I’ll pay to see that. We’ve had the singer from the Alarm singing on the top, and i’ve camped at Glaslyn listening to someone play a trumpet excrutiatingly badly on summit, so this shouldn’t be much different.